Stuff

Still having the shakes...seems to be worse when I'm under a lot of stress. My stoma has had some blood draining onto my pad...I can't see anything when I'm draining so I'm thinking it's a surface issue. I think I must have an imbalance or something. Maybe i'm lacking vitamins or minerals. I need to see my primary physican. Would like to find one that knows about KP....wishful thinking huh? I am looking forward to my replacement being found soon so I can get out from under the intense pressure at work. I'm looking forward to training on sunday and meeting all the KP folks in so cal.

I really hate when I have anxiety attacks. I feel like I can't catch my breath and it usually is a sign that something is wrong. It can be anything. My boss dropped a bombshell on Wed that she was taking another position in the company...that made me sick to my stomach. I thought it was that, but aparently it's not. I was fine for a few days and now I'm having them again. I don't think it helps that we visited the tax auditor and have to do more work than we already did. That appointment really took my pouch for a loop.

This morning I wake up and all i want to do is go back to bed and sleep. Sleep away my day and hope that tomorrow will be better. I hate when I get into these depressed moods. Feels like the strength is sucked out of me an I have none left. Oddly enough this always happens when my kids aren't around. Maybe there's some corilation. My head is spinning with too many things and I just want it to stop. What is the old saying...the 2 sure things in life are death & taxes???

Gorgeous Weekend

It's the end of March and we had a fantasticly warm & sunny weekend in so cal. I took a 5 mile walk along the beach with my youngest son Brodee on Saturday. My stomach muscles were cramping up a little that day which hasn't happened before. Maybe I was a little dehydrated...who knows, but it felt good to be out walking and soaking up the sun. Later that night I went to 2 birthday parties near my home for 2 friends from grade school. It was like a mini reunion and a chance to reconnect. I love that!

Today was Team Challenge kick off party which I shared with my husband & kids. I came home with a shirt & 1.5 bottles of wine. Let's see if I can tolerate more than a few sips..lol (I'm such a light weight).

My stoma has been sore these last few days...I think I need to slow down while I'm eating. I try hard, but it's a down fall of mine. I will start officially training this week so it's important I feel good. :)

Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster lately and I really want to get off. Work is insane and going too fast...although I feel like I've accomplished a lot lately, it's still so much and the ride isn't over yet. Some unexpected news made me evaluate some things yesterday which made my stomach curl up in knots and it still hasn't gone away (no dinner for me tonight). I had a CT scan for my left ovarian vein check with no results to report, however the so called "wonderful" nurses were supposed to get the IV in the first time didn't get it in until the 3rd time and my hand looks like someone abused me. Meme (my grandma) had surgery on her back and it's worse than they thought. We are hopeful she will just be in less pain, but that's about all that will be accomplished....she has an unstable spine. I don't feel like I have enough time any more and when I do I'm too tired to do anything. Hopefully training will turn that around. I just want to feel happy, but right now I feel deflated from everything going on in my life. I guess today is a downer day...tomorrow's sunshine I hope will bring my spirits back up. Maybe a trip to the beach (mini calgon moment) and not going into the office will get me back on track and feeling good....

Love my KP family

I spent the afternoon with Allison on Sunday and had a great time getting to know my bday twin & KP sister. We share the same birthday and it's funny how we think so much alike. We compared our stoma's and the many scars we've gained over the years. I think I have 2 more than she does...lol! We had such different stoma's...hers was more of a flat cherry stoma and I have this tiny hole that's just big enough to fit my catheter. Almost looks like someone just slit me open...kinda like a big eye (minus the eyeball of course). I feel like I'm the black sheep of the KP group with an innie. I hope it's not going to be an issue over the years. I had stricture issues with my Jpouch...certainly don't want that with my Kpouch.

Yet Another Change

Well I signed up for Team Challenge half marathon from Napa to Sonoma on July 18th and I'm very excited to get started. Put up my fundraising webpage and got it out on Facebook so far. Today I made a decision to step down from my managing position and go back to underwriting. Time for some quality of life and to put my health in first position. I've accomplished my goal of managing and have been doing it for 5 or so years. The industry has changed so much and the stress is just not worth it any more. It's amazing how surgeries and health issues put a new perspective on things. I'm doing things I never imagined I would do and looking forward to what life has to offer. Let's see where else my KP adventures take me.

Air Bubbles

So I was sitting at my desk today...feeling a little pain like my pouch was full and all of the sudden I had these air bubbles come out of my stoma. It freaked me out at first and I thought it could be more than just the air. From all accounts I was told that was not supposed to happen. Fortunately I removed my gauze and there was nothing there. I intubated and everything came pouring out like water. I guess the pouch got too full and the air had nowhere else to go...who knows. Of course I reached out to my 2 trusty friends, Allison & Janice, both with the encouraging words. I'm so grateful to have them in my life for support.